A Refugee's Diary

Last weekend was quite hectic. Saturday we went to a movie named "Aani Vaer" running in a near by theatre. Almost the whole of Tamil diaspora in Ottawa had come to see this one day show. I had some prior idea that this movie dealt with the ethnic conflict in Srilanka. Nevertheless I was in for a shock- this 2 hours venture was one of the biggest and the most intense propaganda I have ever viewed on large screen.

This is the story of a journalist from Chennai who goes to Jaffna to document the human rights violations. And she happens to meet a doctor named Nanda in an LTTE medical camp. Recorded true incidents of the army atrocities on the Tamil community have been recreated with the protagonists' story in the background. But that's what it is. The other side of the issue hasn't even been discussed. Infact, in the whole movie only once the word "LTTE" is heard. The director, who is an Indian, claims that this movie was conceived to arouse the Indian Tamils to the burning issues in the island nation. But he has gone too far depicting the government as fascist regime and LTTE as an angel. Nevertheless, like most other Srilankan Tamils here, my friends here go by the word of the propaganda.

After we finished the movie, was the Saraswati pooja in a big classroom in the university organised by the Tamil Student Association here. figures of Amman, Saraswati, Lakshmi and Pillayar were placed in front of the black board and we kept our books infront of it on a table. The function started with Saraswati invocation and then pooja rites were performed. Then was dinner time and we had Chakkara Pongal, Vadai and Sundal (all after a very long time!), after which it was cultural programmes.

It was almost 8 PM by the time it all ended and I needed a lift back home. My friends from materials class offered. But they had to finish some assignment before that so I waited in their lab as they were doing their work. Boopalan, one of them, (name changed) and I started talking about the movie we watched the afternoon. He told me that all those gory incidents had in fact taken place while he was in Ceylon, albeit were chronologically inconsistent with reality. He narrated his family's history(all conversation in Tamil), which I'm penning down here in his own words...

"My parents moved to Colombo with my elder sister soon after I was born. But I stayed back in Jaffna with my grand mom. In 1982, my dad got offers to work in Dubai and he left leaving my sister and my mom alone in Colombo. Me and my grand ma used to visit them every year. But after the war broke out in 1983, I stayed back in Jaffna for while and then moved to Colombo to live with my mom in 1986.

My mom used to tell me the stories of what they went through during the riots of 83. There was one day when this Sinhali mob was scanning our area. My mom and my sister lived in an apartment. They took refuge in the opposite flat where a Sinhala family lived. When the mob knocked the door, my mom was hiding under the bed, and the man of the house brushed them off saying there are no Tamils in this locality. I was too young then to understand anything she said.

After I moved to Colombo, I joined this Christian Missionary school there. Within Colombo there is no problem between us and the Sinhaleese. In fact in our school Sinhala:Tamil ratio was about 6 to 2. We coexisted without any problem. But yes, sporadically there would be some suicide bombings in Colombo and the situation would get tense. I remember once, when we were playing cricket in our school ground, the tigers hit the national bank across the road. That was my first bomb blast. Soon after these blasts, there would be frantic phone calls all over the city with everyone enquiring the safety of their friends and family. But after 5 hours or so, every one would be back to business. It has become more or less the norm of the city. We have learnt to live with them.

But we had our share of fun. I remember how we used to mass bunk classes for the annual cricket tournament. Our teacher was a Tamil and the principal a Sinhala priest. We were sort of in good terms with the principal. So whenever our teacher punished us for bunking classes, the principal used to let us go that would start a fight between them and we used to have fun watching it!

We also had a gang of friends at home. We used to play hell lot of cricket in a huge ground near my house during our O-level (12th Std) year. On the other side of the house was the house of a Sinhala girl who was also in my class. Whenever our match got loud and ugly, her father used to come out and complain that his daughter is not able to study. One of my friends was really fluent in Sinhala and he used to throw back, telling him that even we were in O-level and still we come out to play and don't study all day like your book worm daughter. If she wants peace, let her go some where else to study.

There were times when the ball used to land in their house and the old man wouldn't return it.The next day, we used to buy a huge box of balls, place it on his compound wall, take out one ball at a time and stand in front of his house so that he can see them! That guy was always pissed at us. My mom however used to beg me not to fight with neighbours. Probably because she was living without my dad, she wanted to be in peace with everyone around there and not attract problems. The week before the final exams, that old man cursed us, "None of you brats are going to pass this year!". We wrote our exams, and the results came. Most of my friends passed wit ha an 'A' average. Some friends got 'B' grade. We all went to the old man's house with our grade sheets and shoved it to him,
We (in Sinhala): "We got 'A' average, what did your daughter get?"
The Old man: "'C' average".
We: "You know something... if you had let your daughter play cricket, she would have fared better than that"
And we left. He later remarked to my mom, "these are nice chaps you know..."

To be frank my grade wasn't that good. But then I still could have secured admission in Colombo. But I didn't want that. Neither did my dad. There was just too much of harassment in there. Everyone in Srilanka is given a Photo Identity card and a police address proof. We have to carry it where ever we go and still, the police used to stop us and accuse us of being terrorists. They would give lame reasons like 'your photo doesn't resemble your face' etc. When my sister got married, they had to face lot of issues. It was that some of the college mates of my maama had joined the LTTE. And so the police used to knock their doors in odd hours and ask them questions. My maama couldn't take it anymore and he found a job in Toronto and left with my sister. After that, the police started coming to our place and started questioning my dad. I remember vividly, during my O levels, the police came home at 3 in the morning and started shouting at us. This constable came into my room where I was studying and asked me where my sister was. I told him they have moved to Toronto. Then he shook me threatening of dire consequences if I lied.

My father called me one day and told me, "You leave this country. Go to Canada to your sister. I'll join you later". And that was that. I packed my bags and left Colombo for good. Now, it is my duty to join some firm soon after I finish my final year, earn enough money and sponsor my parents to immigrate. That's the least I can do for them."

There is nothing to question the authenticity of the above story. There IS a huge problem there. And yes, Tamils are at the receiving end. But giving that as an excuse for counter-violence is by no means justifiable. Boopalan and all his compatriots here regularly read TamilNet news and consider the LTTE's propaganda as God's own truth. Boopalan told me how one of Prabhakaran's editorial in TamilNet justifies Rajiv Gandhi's assassination, "Rajiv Gandhi wanted to exploit the LTTE's causes so that he can extend India's influence beyond its borders. In fact, the atrocities that we saw today in the movie was also committed by the IPKF's soldiers. LTTE wanted some revenge".

To say that LTTE is the true representative of their grievances is a gross misjudgement. May be they were justified back in 70's when all the peaceful Gandhian agitations organized by the Tamil leaders were met by hostile reaction from the government. May be force was the only thing that brought the government to table and made it even consider that this is an issue. But the tigers lost their relevance there. What can explain suicide bombings in Colombo? What can explain the hypocritical stand of the LTTE in the Rajiv Gandhi assassination case, where they don't officially accept involvement, but justify it in TamilNet? And god forbid what can explain massacre of the other Tamil groups in 1987 by the LTTE under the banner 'uniting all the Tamils under one roof'?

What ever the answers for the above questions, I learnt one important lesson from Saturday- When people immigrate out of India they give reasons that India is inefficient, poor, illiterate and corrupted... but we still have a choice to go back home. These unfortunate souls don't.