How beauteous a mankind!

Well, just us.

(With apologies to Aldous Huxley)


Act 1, Scene 1
Place: Residence of A. N. Srinivasan and Lakkkshmi Srinivasan
Time: 6:00 PM

Enter Lakkkshmi strapped on to her iClone, in the phone mode.

Lakkkshmi: Hello? Can you hear me better now?
Sarojini: Yes its clearer now... what happened.
Lakkkshmi: The signal gets pretty weak sometimes on the balcony, I just came into the drawing room. Oh don't get me started on that! We tried to complaining to the Life-Service-Providers. They keep saying they will fix it, but never do.
Sarojini: Ok, enough with the mokkai di! Don't change the subject... so what happened next? Did you join the game?
Lakkkshmi: Yes of course! Everybody there insisted I do, how could I refuse?
(giggles)
Sarojini: And how was it... did you get to kiss Homi?
Lakkkshmi: Better! The first challenge we had to face was be alone in the bedroom for 10 minutes!
Sarojini: Wow! And did anything interesting happen?
Lakkkshmi: Second base!
Sarojini: (shrieks) I told you it would be fun! Orgy-Porgy parties are always fun. I should know- I have been to each and everyone our project manager has organized since he joined InfoComm last year. So are you going to take things to the next level with Homi?
Lakkkshmi: Yes. They have called me to join them for Homi's group's next team-outing when they finish debugging the new UBS interface next month. Homi is so charming and sophisticated. He also shares my passion for Numerology. Besides, yesterday's groping has left me craving for more!
Sarojini: Ye well, take it from me- there is nobody better at foreplay in the whole of InfoComm than Homi Bose.
Lakkkshmi: True!
Sarojini: Hey by the way, remember that detective assignment you gave last week? Well I did some sniffing around, and finally Indira from the HR told me she swore she saw Srinivasan and Annie in a cinema theater seriously at it.
Lakkkshmi: I knew it! That sneaky bastard! When I confronted him with the videos I recorded of him flirting with her in the coffee room last month, he was in complete denial. And then he went on about how he has been clean since last year's episode and why I need to overcome my insecurities...
Sarojini: The nerve! After what he pulled off...
Lakkkshmi: Right! Anyways, I do not care who he sleeps with... as long as he knows his place in the house. You just need to raise hell once in a while at home to keep the husband in line. Lest he should get any wrong ideas.
Sarojini: That's so true. Its been at least a week since I even spoke to Bhagat. I just keep myself updated about his love life, just so that I can guilt him into doing anything. That reminds me, we are getting the house repainted and bringing in some people to demolish that eye-sore of a kitchen- you know my moron husband bought this God Forsaken old-generation house which had a kitchen in it. And I am going for jewelery shopping tomorrow for Deepavali... you wan't to join?
Lakkkshmi: Damn! Its this Monday??? 3 days back I had to restart my iClone because it hanged. I didn't realize the dates got shifted back one year to 2046. The calendar malfunctioned and my whole schedule got screwed up because of that. I missed all my project meetings, all my reminders! Hell, I even missed my date with Ravindranath that night!
Sarojini: Well isn't that a silver lining! I do not even know why you are still seeing him. He is such a weirdo!
Lakkkshmi: Nah! I still like him... probably it will take me another week to get bored of him.
Sarojini: Bah! I so feel like kicking you right now...
Lakkkshmi: Sssshhh! ... hang on... I think its Srinivasan at the door... I think he has come back for the day. Lets talk tomorrow at the office, I'm not in a mood to look at him now... Hanging up now, bye.

Lakkkshmi exits. Enter Srinivasan, strapped on to his iClone in combined TV-remote sharing and phone mode. Music and images are playing out of the hologram-TV.

"... I am sorry we are completely out of time, we will have to leave it there. Before we end the show, let's have a final look at our high-speed-SMS poll to see what you are saying to the question we are asking today,
'Are Indians the brightest people in the world?' 100% are saying YES and 0% are saying NO.
So thats a very huge majority saying, yes, we are indeed the brightest people on the planet. Thanks very much to our esteemed panel of guests comprising of politicians, film actors and CEOs. To the viewers at home, thanks for watching Face the Nation. This is your host Saavadikira Gosh wishing you a happy and safe Diwali. (cough, cough) Please stay tuned for our nightly news bulletin coming up, right after a small commercial break. Good night. "

(music)

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(music)

Todays top stories! ... Prime Minister Rahul Gandhi says it is a proud moment and truly a milestone in the history of India when he, the great-grand-son of the first Prime Minister of India Pandit Nehru, addresses children on the occasion of Children's day next week, which also happens to be Nehru's birthday, in the 100th year of India's Independence.
Veteran Journalist and News anchor Rajdeep Somaari has been awarded the highest civilian award, the Bharat Ratna. Everybody here at Fox-INN joins the nation in congratulating him for this great honor.
Fierce battle is raging on between the government forces and the Onge adivasis in the Andaman islands. Dane-gi Okwa, the tribal representative in the Andaman and Nicobar council of ministers says the indigenous people are fighting for their way of life, language and culture...

Srinivasan switches off the TV-remote sharing mode. Brings the microphone closer to his mouth.

Srinivasan: People like these should be shot at sight, don't you think?
Kamaraj: Ye, I mean what does he think he is saying. If he doesn't like our country, why doesn't he just get out. I would shoot him twice.
Srinivasan: Like what's wrong with the life we have in India. We can get anything we want here. Life is so good. It should be the best anywhere in the world.
Kamaraj: Why can't they get educated, come to the cities and join the mainstream.
Srinivasan: May be they are not capable of doing it. In which case they should at least not create any trouble for us civilized.
Kamaraj: Yes, we must never tolerate any...
Srinivasan and Kamaraj suddenly jump into a trance
Both together: ...attempt to upset the Stability, question the order of Things.
Srinivasan: (Coming out of the trance) Amen. It is up to us cosmopolitan educated urban Indians to clean up the mess. It is up to us to reform the society, lead the way and show how life should be lived to these Savages. Imagine what kind of impression these acts of savagery would create for the outside world about us.
Kamaraj: Yes, as if there are very less misconceptions foreigners have about us already.
Srinivasan: Very true. Only yesterday I was talking to our client representative Mr. Crick Watson in the USA, while we were conducting a load test on the networking application we built for them. It seems he did a minor in Indology and Tamil studies during Bachelors. We were just talking about this and that... and suddenly he was telling me that how although the architecture of Southern India before the Common Era wasn't developed enough to leave any tangible evidence, the literature itself presents a clear picture of the time. I mean, this is the kind of history they are taught!
Kamaraj: Ye, can you believe it? Leave it to the western scholars to tell us what our past is!
Srinivasan: What does he know about our heritage! "architecture was not developed" my ass.
Kamaraj: Precisely! Only yesterday I was reading on historicalvishwakarma.org that not only were Indians the best engineers, doctors, biochemists, quantum physicists and neuroscientists of the ancient world, but also the best mathematicians and architects.
Srinivasan: Oh is it?
Kamaraj: Yes. It also says that the ancient guru Brihaspati went out from India in 7000 B. C. and traveled around the world. He finally went to Egypt where he built a great school, taught the native Savages how to count, how to measure and how to build. It was from that knowledge that the ancient Egyptians were able to build the Pyramids and it was from that school that Pythagoras later graduated and spread the knowledge of geometry.
Srinivasan: What is it that our forefathers haven't accomplished, I ask! And this guy babbles about us not having any architecture!
Kamaraj: Ye, minor in Tamil Studies indeed! God knows what crap they study in their majors to begin with. Can you even compare how much we study and how hard we work here in India in the engineering college to what those dummies do there?
Srinivasan: Free free! They can never understand our genius.
Kamaraj: Hmm... So how was your day at work today?
Srinivasan: Ah! We got a new batch of recruits today. 4 newbies were assigned to me to train. One of them is a chick named Malini. Man, you should have checked out the ass on her. Perfect, like a peach!
Kamaraj: Oh! So the great Ariyakudi Narasimhan Srinivasan has spotted his next conquest!
Srinivasan: Oh please stop flattering her! She seems more easy than making my brain dead wife believe my story about going to Goa on a "business" trip.
Kamaraj: Yeah... that was one great trip! Orgy-Porgy rocks!
Srinivasan: It sure does. Well, I better get going now... its time for my evening prayers.
Kamaraj: Oh ok. Let me go in and see if my kids are back from their school.
Srinivasan: Oh, Parthasarathy was telling me he and Sowmya are both going to stay at a friend's- I think his name is Venkat- place and study tonight.
Kamaraj: Oh, Sowmya didn't mention that to me.
Srinivasan: I must say, Partha has been putting in a lot of effort these days to improve his grades. I have disciplined him enough for him to understand that he must respect his parents' wishes, just like we used to respect our parents.

Act 1, Scene 2: Venkat's place

Parthasarathy and Sowmya lying on the bed. Venkatraman sitting on the floor next to them.

Partha: I think my father is the biggest f**king idiot in the world.
Sowmya: Ditto.
Venkat: Guys, you told me you wanted to come here and study. But all you have done is make out and pot.
Sowmya: Shut up Venkat, don't be such a dork. We came to your place only because we wanted to get as far as possible away from our parents.
Venkat: But guys, what if my parents come to know of this. They are downstairs.
Partha: Relax! This is new stuff, doesn't smell at all.
Sowmya: Yeah, and besides, do you think your parents really care what we do up here. Your dad must be talking crap with his friends and your mom with her friends. They have enough going on already. Happens everywhere.
Venkat: But guys, what about the exam tomorrow.
Partha: Dude, you should learn to take things easy! Here, try some of this.
Venkat: What! No way dude! I don't want to get all dizzy and addicted and stuff.
Partha: Dude, haven't you figured it out yet? We don't smoke pot to get dizzy. We do it because thats the only way we can deal with our parents having their heads up their ass all the time.